Dr Superlove
by No but maybe
Summary: A mysterious, alcoholic exninja shows up in Konoha and starts dispensing romantic advice at the town's understimulated youth. ShikaTema so far, more coming up. Rated M for implied sex, violence and bad words. My first fic, all comments welcome.
1. Tegata: Prologue

_This is my first attempt at fan fiction, so all feedback is very welcome. The story takes place six years after the beginning of the series, making the rookie-nine eighteen. Yeah, and I stole the title off a Engrish dot com T-shirt._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and this is not a Mary Sue fic. Seriously._

**Chapter 1: Tegata - Prologue**

The three sand-nins in the corner were talking about him. The girl was a little tipsy, and the podgy one in the ridiculous jumpsuit was getting worked up trying to dissuade her of something. The autistic red-headed kid with the giant bottle strapped to his back simply stared at him, not even trying to hide it.

Tegata raised his glass and smiled across the room. The kid looked away. Two minutes later the girl was looking him in the eye, standing by his stool with her hand on her hip.

"Hi." She said and smiled.

"Hi." Tegata said.

She was a looker, all right. Blonde hair everywhere, fishnets, cleavage. No doubt intended to distract male opponents. In her eyes he saw, behind the alcohol, intelligence and a little arrogance.

"Wanna make out?" she asked, slurring slightly. He didn't expect her to be that blunt, but he was too drunk to show any surprise. He downed his drink.

"How old are you, darling?" he asked.

"I'm twenty-one and I'm not your darling, darling." She never even blinked. He appreciated her not pulling the old "You're not supposed to ask a lady that"-crap.

"Well I'm forty-three."

Her jaw dropped.

"So although I appreciate the interest, I suggest you go find some nice boys your own age to make out with. Shouldn't be too hard."

She walked away mumbling something about his t-shirt. He ordered another. No point being sober when talking to his brother tonight, his brother being dead and all.


	2. Shikamaru: First Drink

**Chapter 2: Shikamaru – First Drink**

"Move it, moron."

Just as Shikamaru opened the door to the pub, Temari brushed past him and staggered off into the night. He paused, drew in a lungful of her passing perfume and took the time look at her as she walked away. He knew she wouldn't look back. His breathing was going stupid on him again. He wasn't getting used to that any time soon. Damn it, he should have said something.

Inside the bar was pretty empty. Kankurou and Gaara were there, eyeing him as he entered, as well as a few of the usual patrons, but not his father. This was the third bar he had been to and it was getting troublesome. By now, Mom would be pissed for sure. He walked over to the bar.

"Hey, barkeep, has Dad been here tonight?"

"I haven't seen him all day, sorry Shikamaru"

This made one of the drunks at the bar turn around with a jerk. Shikamaru turned too and looked into the bloodshot eyes of some wino he'd never seen before. The man was pretty skinny, with a sickly, almost greenish skin tone and a mop of uncombed, very red hair. He hadn't shaved, reeked of alcohol, dressed in and trenchcoat and a T-shirt saying "Dr.Superlove". Late twenties maybe, and not living healthily.

"Holy shit!" the drunk blurted. Shikamaru sighed.

"What?"

"You're Nara Shikamaru!"

"And…?"

"Holy sh…You're Shikaku's son! And you look just like him too! Dude, I know your father well!"

"I'm not surprised."

"Well, I am. I haven't seen him in years, jesus, how old are you now? Seventeen?"

"Eighteen."

"Last time I saw you, you were teething! Holy…I'm sorry, I'm just a bit taken aback is all."

He seemed pretty lucid considering how he smelled. Shikamaru turned to leave anyway.

"Well it, was nice meeting you."

"Heyheyhey, where are you going? Sit down, you won't find him."

"How would you know?"

"I've been to every bar in town tonight, trust me, he's on an urgent mission or something – He still does missions right?

"Right."

"Yeah, then it's something like that. Let's talk, sit down."

"I should be going home, really"

"Oh, come on, Shikamaru-san, I know your mother as well. I know for a fact you'd rather spend some time here until she falls asleep. Come on. It'll be less troublesome."

He knew Shikamaru's father, all right.

"Ok then, just for a while."

"Great, great. Want a drink?"

"I'm eighteen."

"That's not what I asked."

"No thanks, I don't drink."

"You never had a drink? Your father and I were drinking when we were fifteen at the latest!"

"Yeah, well excuse me for choosing other role-models."

"Other role-models? What for?"

"Let's just say that my children won't have to come drag me home from the bar four times a week."

The drunk finally stopped smiling as he put his glass down and looked at Shikamaru. This wasn't less troublesome at all.

"I really should be going."

"Wait."

"No, I think…"

"Wait, before you go, let me say this." His voice was lowered now, more serious. He was struggling to keep his eyes focused on Shikamaru's.

"You can say what you want about me, but I won't hear you talk shit about your father. Shikaku is a good man. He obviously raised you right, and he's saved my life twice. And if I could get drink for each time he covered my butt when I screwed up, well, I'd be even drunker. I can't believe no one ever told about the great things he did."

"…"

"Shikamaru-san, would you let me tell you some stories about him? While your mother falls asleep?"

"Whatever. Keep it short."

"Thank you."

Shikamaru took a seat.

Two hours later Shikamaru was shaking with laughter. The stranger, who turned out to be about fifteen years older than he looked, had started off by accounting for most of Shikaku's scars and then quickly moved on to tales of practical jokes and drunken madness.

"So there I was, groping this poor girl through no fault of my own, and when she started slapping me and screaming for the sensei, all I could do was to stand there and take it! Then people came to and I kept going, Shikaku-chan controlling my every move, of course, with that shadow-thingy…

"Kage Mane no Jutsu"

"Right. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. Honest to god, I thought she was gonna take out her kunai and kill me. But I got back at him. I got back at him good.

"How?"

"huhuhuhh…"

"C'mon, tell me!"

"I hooked him up with your mother."

Shikamaru knew he shouldn't laugh at that. He really shouldn't. But he did. Hard.

"But seriously kid, your mom's a wonderful woman. A pain in the ass, sure, but she'd have to be with you two to take care of. Always liked her. Always did. Perfect for Shikaku… So, how about yourself?"

"What about myself?"

"You've got a girl, right?"

"Me? No, I can't be bothered with that stuff."

"I'll bet you could be bothered with that blonde from earlier on, though."

"What?"

"The tall one with the fan."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Dude, it was obvious. Her mates were pissed at you."

"Kankurou and Gaara were mad?"

"So you do know what I'm talking about?"

"I don't…I mean I know them, but I'm not…"

"Right..."

"No, I mean it."

"Hey, it's okay, she's pretty hot. I've always preferred bimbos too."

"She's not a bimbo!"

The stranger just smiled. Then he said:

"How about that drink now?"

"If I have one drink, will you shut up?"

"Attaboy."

On his first night out Shikamaru quickly learned that there is no such thing as "one drink", and as the sun rose to slowly fill the streets with horizontal rays he found himself walking along with this man, drinking sake straight from the bottle and talking about Temari. How she cocked her head when being condescending, how she talked down to her brothers, how she smiled when she won a battle, and she how controlled the winds that makes the clouds beautiful. His father's alleged friend was getting quite plastered but that didn't make him any worse of a listener. He was clearly paying attention, nodding gravely the whole time.

"But she's three years older than me and…Well, I'm just really lousy at these sorts of things."

"Not necessarily" the old man said abruptly.

"Whaddyamean?"

"I mean you're a smart kid, and you said you played chess, right?"

"So? Girls hate chess."

"Most of them, yes. But that's not what I'm getting at. What I'm getting at is that getting girls to like you is a lot like playing chess, except _you_ don't know the rules."

"Well, what are the rules?"

"There's a different set of rules for each girl, but they've a lot in common, see? Like, well, a lot of them enjoy getting flowers, not necessarily because they enjoy the sight of flowers in itself, but because it is such a classic and obvious sign of admiration. Get it?"

"So I should get her flowers?"

"Hell no! Not this girl, not before she's in love with you anyway, then pretty much anything goes. But for now, you shut up and let me tell you the rules."

"…"

"Good. Now this Tanari-chick…"

"Temari."

"Whatever. She's into drinkers, and mysterious guys."

"How do you know?"

"Trust me on this one. She's also into guys her brothers don't approve of, which makes your age almost as much of an advantage as a disadvantage. Nobody wants their big sister dating someone younger than themselves. And the mysterious part is probably all good too, seeing how you don't dare talk to her. You're already working on the drinking part, obviously."

"That's it?"

"No, not quite. There's more you've got going for you. Seeing how she's a pretty smart girl, she probably likes smart guys, and you're smart as hell, I could tell the moment you tried to walk out on me. Plus you're handsome."

"Heh."

"And there's your arrogance. That's good. Arrogant girls don't like timid guys. They want to feel like they're the only girl cool enough to be with you. Most of them, anyway."

"uh-huh."

"But that's not all. I happen to know, never mind how, that her favourite pick-up line is "Wanna make out?" Either because it's bloody arrogant or because her brothers hate it, probably both."

"You're kidding."

"Not at all, this I'm sure of. What you need to do is approach her while she's with her brothers, and with a nonchalant face – you're good at those – ask her if she wants to make out. Ignore the bros completely and for god's sake look her in the eye. Wait until she's had a drink or two, no more, smart girls get defensive when they feel drunk."

"I can't do that."

"If anyone can, you can."

"But it sounds so…"

"Troublesome, I know."

"I was going to say "stupid"."

"What's stupid is sitting around feeling like a useless punk while the girl you want goes bar-hopping! What's stupid is not getting off your lazy ass to do what has to be done! When you've wasted this much time you have to take some chances. Trust me; you'll surprise her in a good way."

"You really think so?"

"Dude, I _know._"

"Maybe you're right."

"That's the spirit. Look, do it tomorrow. When you wake up sober, this will not seem like a good idea. But remember: Your logic doesn't apply here. Her does. You go get her."

"Yeah, I just might. I've got nothing to lose."

"Good! Now go home and sleep it off. When you see your father, tell him I'm in town, and that I'd love to catch up."

Shikamaru's newfound mentor started down the road.

"But you never told me your name."

"Didn't I? It's Tegata. But people call me Dr. Superlove."

"Why?"

Tegata looked at him in disbelief.

"Why do you think?"

"Because of your T-shirt?"

"That's right."

Authors note: The first version of this chapter was full of typos and mixed sentences. It should be better now. If you like it, love it, hate it, think it's boring etc, please let me know. Thank you for reading.


	3. Temari: The Ceiling

Another disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Naruto.

**Chapter 3: Temari – The Ceiling**

She opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. It was white. The sheets stuck to her body. She had hair in her mouth. Her mouth was dry. She moaned.

"There's water by the bed" said Gaara's voice.

She turned her head to see him sitting in the window, looking down the street. A jug of water and a cup was placed on the floor beside her. She drank some.

"Your sleep was restless" he said.

"Have you been sitting there all night?"

"No."

She fell back into bed. The ceiling was white.

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon."

"Do we have any missions today?"

"No."

Of course they didn't. Nothing ever happened in this crappy village. Temari got out of bed and into the shower.

"Do we any food?" she called out.

"No."

Of course they didn't.

* * *

On her to way to get some breakfast her head felt a little tight, but otherwise she was fine. Last night had sucked. She'd had a few drinks at the local pub, with Kankurou and Gaara looking after her of course, before being turned down by that wise-assed red-haired guy at the bar who claimed to be twice her age. The smile on Kankurou's face when she returned to the table had been enough for her to go home. How come every single boy in this town was so bloody boring? No one knew how to have a good time here, much less how to show a girl one. The one guy who a least looked real hot, Uchiha Sasuke, never even went out. Hangover food. Now.

"Here you go."

The ramen girl handed Temari a huge bowl of steaming noodles with all the trimmings. Just as she was about to dig in, she noticed that the pink-haired girl sitting next to her staring at her food. The girl's lips slowly parted and her turquoise eyes swelled. Diet eyes. Temari took a huge bite and chewed exaggeratedly. What was that girl's name again?

"Sakura-chan!"

Oh yeah, that was it.

Temari saw "Sakura-chan" turn to meet the blond kid in the orange exercise gear. Uzumaki Naruto, his name was. Hard to forget, the way he kept proclaiming it all the time. He'd been running.

"Sorry I'm late. I just…"

"It's all right", the girl interrupted, "No one's here yet."

"Oh…Not even Sasuke?"

The girl shook her head.

"Well, if we're gonna wait, we might as well eat. I owe you money, right?"

The girl nodded, and then, through clenched teeth: "I'll have a salad."

Fifteen minutes later, when Temari were getting ready to leave, a masked jounin came walking along with his hands in his pockets.

"Hiya."

"Jou've wate!" pinky-head said, trying to look furious with a mouthful of her second order of salad.

"I met an old friend, so I bought him a drink."

"That's a new one" said the blond kid, more to the girl than his sensei.

"Anyway, I just called you here to tell you that we will meet for tonight's mission at Pansy Dragon Pub. I'll tell you why when you get there. Ten o'clock. Don't be late."

Pansy Dragon was where Temari had been last night. The girl finally managed to swallow.

"Kaka-Sensei, should I tell Sasuke?"

"He already knows. He'll be there."

"Oh."

Temari was already on her way home.

* * *

"What?"

"I said," Temari said, putting on mascara, "that we're going to the Pansy tonight." In the mirror, she could tell Karkurou was getting worked up again. He was so uptight nowadays.

"We just went there last night, and you said it sucked!"

"Tonight is Friday, there'll be more people tonight."

"But you hate people. You're always bitching about how everyone here blows. More people just mean more people you hate. I don't get you."

"I know you don't, but what do you want me to do? We hardly ever have missions above C-rank nowadays. Besides training, nothing happens. I have to do something, Kankurou. If I just sit here and stare at the ceiling one more night, I'll go insane. "

"I don't…" Kankurou sighed and turned to his younger brother for support, "Gaara, will you talk to her?"

"I think we should go out", Gaara said.

"What?" Kankurou and Temari said in unison.

"I said I think we should go out. It might be interesting."

Silence ensued. Gaara had never displayed much interest for the night-life before. His face, stoic as always, didn't give anything away. Temari was the first to speak.

"See? Even Gaara is more fun than you. It's settled then. Get your face on."

Kankurou shook his head and followed .

When they got to Pansy Dragon Pub, a full hour before Uchiha Sasuke was scheduled to arrive, some young ladies were already there. Apparently, news travelled fast in Konoha. Amongst the nobodies in the bar, Temari spotted the bun-haired, shuriken slinging tomboy whose ass she'd kicked in the chuunin-preliminaries years before, as well as the blonde from the flowershop. They'd both brought their team, it seemed, to have some kind of alibi. The hyperactive kid in the green jumpsuit was there, the lard-ass was there and Nara Shikamaru, the supposed genius who'd forfeited his match against her in the exams and still made chuunin (Temari often bragged about this at home: "In Konoha they make people chuunin for knowing they can't beat me").

"It's a bloody shinobi-convention." Kankurou muttered, "Most of them ain't even old enough to drink. Why don't thry throw them out?"

"The girls are good for business" Temari said, walking over to the bar, "A bottle of sake, please. Two glasses, unless…"She turned to Gaara, who shook his head. "Two glasses. And clean ones, damn you".

The next hour passed as most hours did when the sand-trio was out. Temari and Kankurou (who always loosened up after a drink) drank sake and talked trash about the other people there, while Gaara kept sober and silent. Kankurou had just remarked how nice the flowershop-girl looked all dolled-up.

"She just a boring bitch anyway." Temari said.

"Boring bitches need loving too", Kankurou replied, trying to make eye contact with the girl, "You of all people should know that."

"Bastard."

Kankurou finally managed to catch the girl's eye, blinked and raised his glass to the bar. The girl turned away terrified. Some old drunk by the bar raised his glass and yelled out "Cheers, laddie!".

"You've got game, Kankurou. There's no denying it"

"Shut up."

As if all obeying him, the place went silent. Uchiha Sasuke walked in with his team. Without a word, he went to a booth and sat down. The girls followed. Kankurou turned to Temari.

"You knew about this, didn't you?"

"Yup."

"Well, you better get in line, then."

"I'll wait, thank you."

They sat back and enjoyed the farce. While Ms.Pinky got mad at flower-girl and started yelling about her disrupting a mission, a tried to sneak past and give Sasuke their phone number, Flower-girl got mad and yelled at them, Pinky got mad at flower for not paying attention, and the bun-haired girl (Tenten? Was that her name?), stood back just feeling stupid, it seemed. Temari knew this wouldn't work. There was no way she'd get to Sasuke this way. The only girl he'd ever notice would be the one that _didn't_ throw herself at him. Time to re-think the strategy.

"C'mon guys, let's go"

"Wait, this is actually kinda fun."

"Kankurou, we're leaving"

"Ok, whatever."

On their way to the door they were intercepted by Nara Shikamaru. He looked Temari in the eye, if he was going to kill her or something.

"Hi."

"What?"

He drew a short breath, blinked and shifted his weight to the other leg. What the hell was he so nervous about? Was he drunk?

"What?" Temari said again.

"W-Wanna make out?"

Temari had to laugh. That was, by far, the most pathetically delivered pick-up line she'd ever heard.

"What did you say?" Kankurou did not sound happy. Shikamaru completely ignored him, still looking Temari in the eye.

"Hey, jackass, I'm talking to you! What did you say to my sister?" Still no reaction from Shikamaru. Gaara too kept strangely calm. The room had gone quite silent. Temari got an idea.

"Ok, wise-guy, we're going outside" Kankurou reached for Shikamaru's arm. Temari slapped it away.

"Go play with your dolls, Kankurou."

"Oh, come on." Kankurou didn't like where this was going.

Temari grabbed the now apparently paralyzed Shikamaru by the neck and kissed him. It took him a second to react, but once he got his act together, he was actually a decent kisser. The pub was silent as a grave now. Somewhere a glass fell to the floor and broke. Twisting the embrace around, Temari opened one eye and looked at Uchiha Sasuke. She'd gotten his attention now. He was staring at them, his mouth half open. Temari broke off the kiss and looked around. Eyes everywhere, voices nowhere.

"Sheesh, this place is dead! Let's go." She grabbed Shikamaru's hand and walked out, the only sound being Kankurou muttering "I don't believe this".

* * *

Outside, the evening breeze was cool, but comfortable. Temari heard the pub coming back to life behind them, girls saying "Oh my god", frantic gossiping taking place.

"I need a drink", she said, "Where's your sake?" He wasn't old enough to drink, to she supposed he'd brought his own. He handed her a flask, smiling.

"What are you grinning about?"

"As if you don't know."

"Yeah, well, don't get cocky." She took a sip. "Now what, big man?"

"Now we do whatever you want."

"How about dancing?"

"I'll do it if you want to, but I don't want to."

"Dancing it is."

They made the rounds. To her surprise, Shikamaru seemed to know every bartender in town. Wherever they went, he'd get a thumbs-up and a pat on the back, and then free drinks would start appearing. She'd say something she felt like doing, like dancing, gambling, shooting pool, or even watch a cock-fight, he'd take her somewhere appropriate, and everything would be free. On the house, from a guy in the corner, on his fathers tab and so forth. Temari had the most fun she'd had in months. Shooting pool, she decided to ask him. 

"So, how come you're such hot shit in this town?"

"Hot shit?" Distracted, the end of Shikamaru's pool cue hit a guy behind him in the butt.

"Hey, watch it punk!" The guy spun around and yelled.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Yeah, you better be sorry kid or I'll kick your ass!"

Temari walked around the pool table. This could get interesting.

"Look, there's no need to be all rude. It was an accident, I'm sorry."

"Good, because…"

Temari pushed Shikamaru at the drunk guy. They both stumbled, Shikamaru confused, the other guy already in a drunken rage.

"Hey…" Shikamaru quickly abandoned this attempt at diplomacy as the drunk swung his pool cue at his head. He ducked it easily of course, saying "Kage Mane no Jutsu". Then he ran out the door. The other guy ran also, but in the other direction, knocking himself senseless as he rammed into a wall. It took Temari a second to figure it out, but when she did, she laughed her head off.

* * *

She found him sitting on a roof nearby looking up at the night sky.

"That was hilarious. You kicked that guy's ass without even touching him."

"What the hell did you do that for?"

"What the hell did I do what for?"

"Pushing me."

"Oh, that. Just trying to toughen you up a bit. You can't just let any idiot talk to you like that. You're a chuunin."

"Thanks to you I might just have seriously hurt a member of my own village."

"He didn't have much of a head to hurt. Take it easy, geez."

"As if that weren't enough, you're hogging the sake."

"Oops."

Silence.

"There's one thing I don't get, though." Temari said after a while. "What're a cool guy like you doing hanging out with that loser?"

"What loser?"

"The fat guy."

"Chouji is not a loser, he's my best friend. You don't know him, so shut up."

"Yeah? How is he better than your other friends?"

Shikamaru thought for a moment.

"When he says "good morning" he really means it."

"That's it?"

"That's a lot."

"Whatever… Hm. No one ever says "good morning" in my family."

"Why not?"

"Because it's stupid. Mornings aren't good, they're boring."

"That depends on the morning, doesn't it?"

"Not in these peaceful days, it doesn't."

Another silence. Raindrops started hitting the roof.

"It's raining" Shikamaru said.

"I see why they call you a genius. Come on, I know a place."

She got up to leave. Shikamaru looked at her hesitantly.

"Come on, you're doing fine."

* * *

"So this is your place, huh?"

"And Kankurou's, and Gaara's."

"I see."

He was standing by the mirror in the hall, one of the only things to break the monotony of the white walls of the apartment.

"It's nice."

Temari looked at him. He was completely lost, looking around after something to talk about. She decided not to say anything, just to see him freak out. After a few seconds he picked up a tube from the bottom of the mirror and read what it said out loud.

"Royal Purple."

"That's Kankurou's face paint, he wouldn't like you touching that."

"Oh." He put it back. He looked adoringly miserable. More endless seconds of silence followed. She could actually see him shrink.

"You have absolutely no idea what do to, have you?"

"I suppose I don't."

She let him squirm for a few more seconds.

"My room's this way. Are you coming?"

He was really bad, but at least he was someone. Afterwards, he whispered something in her ear, but she was falling asleep already didn't catch the words.

* * *

She opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. It said "Good morning", written in purple paint.

(End)

_Authors Comments: This chapter was a pain in the ass towrite but I hope you couldn't tell. Huge thanks to everyone who reviewed, your comments really helps. Once again: I hope you take the time to tell me what youn think. Thank you for reading._


	4. Tegata: Interlude

**Chapter 4: Tegata - Interlude**

"Happy now?" Tegata yelled. Obviously, the memorial stone did not reply.

"Well, you should be! You were right! I can't do anything. I'm a goddamn…"

Tegata closed his eyes and felt the alcohol buzz. It was raining now, gently. He lost his balance, and not even attempting to regain it, let himself fall to the grass. No stars tonight, just blackness. He closed his eyes. There was no difference.

* * *

Maybe he fell asleep and maybe he didn't, but when he opened his eyes again, a kid was standing over him. It was the creepy one with the bottle on his back and what looked like eyeliner. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was silently looking at Tegata. 

"Can I help you?" Tegata slurred.

"I want to speak with you." The kid said. He had a desert accent. Of course he did, Tegata thought, he was that blonde's little brother. Shikaku's kid had just told him the night before. His short term memory was really going to hell nowadays.

"Speak away, kiddo."

"I want you to stand up first."

"And why is that?"

"If you are too drunk to stand up, you're too drunk to talk to."

Tegata looked up at the expressionless face. He couldn't be sure, but he didn't think the kid had blinked once since he arrived.

"Fair enough…" With some trouble, he got to his feet. "Shoot".

"You advised Nara Shikamaru on how to seduce my sister."

Shit. Tegata, secretly bracing himself for a beating, looked calmly and drunkenly into the eyes of the kid.

"I advised who to do what, now?"

"You're a very good liar, but I know. You two weren't very hard to shadow, the state you were in."

"You followed us?"

"Yes."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"I get bored at nights."

Tegata looked up and down the young man. What he saw was pretty disturbing. The kid's eyes were the eyes of a killer so accomplished that he'd lost count of his victims long ago. The kid's hands, however, were aristocrat hands, without scars or imperfections. Hands that had never done an honest days work. He didn't like that combination.

"Ok. You got me. Now what, you kick my ass?"

"No."

"Oh. Good. Thank you."

"My brother gets overprotective, sometimes. I don't. My sister is the oldest of us, and I figure she can take care of herself. If my brother ever were to find out, though, he might be inclined…"

"Ok, kid, I get it. What do you want from me? I haven't got anything."

The sand-nin reached into his pocket and produced an old photograph. It looked like a chuunin graduation photo. The girl on it obviously didn't feel comfortable getting her picture taken. She had short black hair, and white eyes.

* * *

_Authors comments: I fixed up some really annoying typos and other stuff. Hopefully it's fine now. Needless to say, reviews make my day (no rhyme intended). _


	5. Shikaku: Questions

_Note: In order not to get completely confused by this chapter, you need at least some knowledge of the jutsus used by the senior Ino-Shika-Cho team._

* * *

**Chapter 5: Shikaku - Questions**

They were definitely medical-nins. In between their rags and scruffy armor, there were red insignias, bandages, scalpels and, on at least one of them, a stethoscope. The tallest one stepped closer.

"So, what's it gonna be grandpa? Death or directions?" He winked at Shikaku. Finally, Shikaku thought. Three. Two. One.

The medical-nin spun around and kicked one of his teammates in the chin so hard it snapped and sent teeth flying. In that same motion, he drew his kunai and stabbed his best friend through the right lung. As the two men hit the ground, bleeding and gargling, he was already running into the forest, leaving the rest of his team stunned.

Nara Shikaku was also running. To his left, Akimichi Chouza was jumping from limb to limb, looking back for pursuers. In front of him, Yamanaka Inoichi ran, their movements identical. Ten more minutes, Shikaku reckoned, and they would have the time they needed.

"Ok! Chouza! Let's stop." He said, twelve minutes later.

"What? Already? They'll catch up to us in no time!"

"No, they won't. They're medical-nins, they'll try and save their teammates before coming after us."

Stopping at a clearing to wait for their new friend, Shikaku tried to clear his head. What the hell was that all about? Seven apparently unaffiliated medical-nins threatening them for directions to Konoha in the middle of nowhere? It didn't make any sense. Who'd ever heard of rouge medical-nins anyway (apart from, well, Hokage-sama)? But ganging up and getting all in your face for bearing the leaf insignia? They looked pretty young and self-taught, so Shikaku figured his team would probably have been able to take them on, but he wasn't aboutto kill a bunch of doctors in the middle of a mission without getting some answers first. Their new friend was going to give them those answers. The treacherous medical-nin stepped out of the forest, his right arm still bloody from the stabbing.

"That as pretty rough, Inoichi."

"Had to give'em something to work with, didn't I? You can drop me now."

Shikaku's shadow retreated from Inoichi's soulless body, making it slump to the ground. The medical nin's body caught the handcuffs Shikaku threw him.

"Empty his pockets and cuff him to a tree"

"Oki-doke"

Inoichi searched through the pockets of the possessed body and dropped whatever he found on the ground.

"Shuriken, exploding notes, gauss, pain killers…this guy is packed up for a battle! A photograph, soldier pills…and that's it."

As Inoichi handcuffed "himself" around a slender tree, Chouza picked up the tiny photograph and looked at it. His eyebrows jumped.

"Say, Inoichi, don't we know this guy?"

"What? Show me." Neatly restrained now, Inoichi turned his head around as Chouza held out the picture.

"Can't be him. Can it?"

"Sure looks like him. Besides, what other grown man would wear that t-shirt?"

"If it's him, he's aged."

"About damn time."

Shikaku walked over. He had a pretty good idea who his teammates were talking about.

"Give it here."

Chouza handed him the picture. It was taken in a photo booth, showing a pretty girl, happily staving off the advances of a red-headed man who was trying to kiss her. They looked quite in love, and that was him, all right.

"It is." Shikaku said.

"Well I'll be damned" Chouza laughed.

What did this mean? Why would…

Shikaku's thoughts were interrupted by trouble.

"Traitor!" a female medical-nin shouted from a nearby tree. A small cloud of shuriken came flying towards them. That was a pretty sophisticated throwing technique, no way to deflect them all by now. Shikaku jumped clear, screaming:"Get out Inoichi!"

Their bound captive regained control over his body just in time to feel the hits of seven shuriken.

Inoichi's body jerked back to life, disoriented.

"What the fuck?" he yelled and got to his feet. Chouza was already twenty feet tall, smashing the tree in which the shuriken girl had been to splinters. She was nowhere to be found. Their hostage was quite dead.

"They know our position", Shikaku said, "Let's go."

Their movements made a blur of the forest. That was too close. If that girl hadn't screamed like an idiot, Inoichi would be dead now. If they sent out an assassin to kill all traitors immediately, even with their friends needing medical attention ASAP, that meant they were serious about whatever they were doing. But just what were they doing? Why did they need to get to Konoha? And why the hell was one of them carrying a picture of some girl being kissed by Gekkou Tegata?

* * *

_Authors comments: Another short one, but the first strictlynon-romance one. The next one will be longer, and clear things up a little more. Maybe._


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